As you may know by now, I'm on a personal fat fighting mission, I'm pumping weights (up to 45kg now wahoo), I'm running (well, ambling), I'm kicking my body into touch and even more bizarrely, I'm not entirely hating it. For the first time in a very long while, I feel inspired to get fit, get healthy and not go through the same old motions (of which usually included an expensive waste of time) of heading to my local Weightwatchers group - I'm eating a personalised eating plan that includes more food and meals than I know what to do with. The more I eat, the more weight I lose, it's that common sense that we all know deep down, but as a comfort eater, I don't always stick to... it's why I'm on this journey in the first place, so I can't lie about that. But I can do something about and I'm doing just that. My personal trainer is AWESOME (I'm using Sarah from Primal Performance) and she's motivated me to head to a spa and take on a FITNESS retreat over a lazy relaxing one and she's even inspired me to get running with my local running group... two things I would have laughed at if you had told me I would be doing late last year. She's helping me to transform my life and for the very first time, I can actually picture myself as a slimmer, leaner, fitter model. This is a REAL first for me, as I've always been a big girl in every photo I've ever been in... apart from as a baby of course... I think... I don't have any photos to look back on and say "I want to be there again"... as I've always been big for my age for as long as I can remember. So I am having to use my current photos to inspire me and get me picturing in my mind how I am going to look in months/years to come. This time I have stuck at it and WILL stick at it because I have a different support around me. I have the RIGHT people around me for the first time in my weight loss mission. I am lucky to have found a trainer who needed a lost cause (yup, I really was haha) and she's helped me hugely, but then there's the other clients she's put me in touch with over the last few months, the running group who support me and don't mock me for trying, my boyfriend for supporting me throughout the entirety and even doing it for himself too, my family and friends who tell me how amazing I look and what awesome inspiration my updates are to keep them in the know. It's all helping me hugely, it really is. I also follow my lovely blogging friend, ReeRee Rockette at Rockalily.com who is also on a personal weightloss and fitness mission and she inspires me immensely. I love reading about her thrifty finds in charity shops when it comes to gym gear and her "before and after" photos throughout her own journey, I love sitting down and reading her updates, so I love hearing when mine do the same thing for other people. You then know it's worth shouting about it, without trying to "preach", as this isn't my intention. In fact, I'm growing my hair so that I can treat myself to a victory hair colour & style once I'm at a satisfied weight loss goal, so ReeRee, save me a salon seat, I will be heading down to you in the near future! I've learnt lately that you can't run around in the mud and rain with slamballs and kettle bells and have long nails - they ping off here, there and everywhere and really aren't practical for interval or circuit training, trust me. Had you told me a few months back that I would be turning down cake (yes, really!) and buying more keep fit clothing than normal outfits, I would have laughed you out of the park. But, it's true, I buy and wear more tracksuits and Lycra than I do anything else in my entire wardrobe. Not only is it comfortable, it also helps to make you feel very smug when in a coffee shop sipping on a herbal tea whilst everybody else around you is eating a cake with their mocha - the little things! I feel stronger (I can lift my dog into the bath without oohing and aahing and cramping with back pain, a small victory!) and I'm even eating chili for my breakfast. Yes, savoury foods for breakfast are the way forward and Sarah (my trainer) is more chuffed with this little victory than any other goal previously hit haha, she's mental! I'm taking dog walks between meetings and skipping up staircases instead of taking the lifts or shuffling up step by step, I'm full of beans most days. I won't lie, I've had some really bad days, where all I want to do is bury by head in a victoria sponge and drown my negative feelings with a packet of digestives and a vat of tea... or something stronger. I've decided to ignore that tuna steak and salad and opt for a Chinese takeaway instead - I'm only human. I am struggling with the feelings of guilt and anger I have after attacking these foods, but I am allowed to eat what I want, when I want, I just need to learn to control these cravings and this is something I will learn over time. My anger turns into some sort of "Hulk"-esque character until I've eaten one of my planned meals of the day, but once I have food inside me, I'm all good to go again haha. In fact, thinking about it, I'm a bit like a Gremlin in reverse... if you don't feed me, I get rather tetchy ; ) I guess I just want to update people on how I'm feeling (it's been tough over the New Year, I won't lie) after being poorly for a few weeks and not exercising very much, I'm now all guns blazing and I'm ready for spring and the new challenges I will face. I've also started to meditate using a "non cheesy" app on my phone ("Headspace"), just ten minutes a day really helps me to unwind and try to let go of some of the useless thoughts floating around in my head. Without the de-stress and a good night's sleep, you don't actually lose as much as weight as you could be doing, so it's important to listen to this advice - I've learnt this the hard way and I finally burnt out by not sleeping well or relaxing properly. If I now want to (and can) work in my onesie on the sofa, that's what I am doing and it feels GREAT. I'm over 2 stone lighter, 2 dress sizes down and sometimes not even I can see or feel it (if we look at ourselves every day in the mirror, we switch off to how we look I am finding) so I've been putting together some of the terribly stretched clothes I've squeezed myself into at my largest late last year and I've been wearing them, realising just how far I've come in such a short amount of time. These "before & after" photos have helped to keep me on track and remind me of what an awesome job I'm doing to my body. I will keep taking them, you will most likely get sick of them, but they're changing my outlook, truly. I'd love to hear from you if you are inspired, motivated or currently changing something about yourself for the better too... this support is the most important kind and I would be thrilled to hear your thoughts below if you fancy a natter. Now, time for a nap... because I deserve it!